


Long, Long Man

by Doreling



Category: Miraculous Ladybug
Genre: A friend showed it to me and said I had to write it, Crack, Crack Fic, Crack Relationships, Dramatic use of gummies, F/M, Gen, Gummy abuse, Heckin' hilarious, Sorry it's taken six months buddy, Written bad on purpose, Written on a Dare, You should really watch it, based on the Japanese commercial
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-10
Updated: 2018-10-10
Packaged: 2019-07-29 03:30:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,134
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16255757
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Doreling/pseuds/Doreling
Summary: The long man had the longest gummy Marinette had ever seen.Crack!fic based on the amazing commercial series





	Long, Long Man

Marinette and Adrien were a lovely sight. A couple perfectly in love. They were sitting in the park near Marinette’s house, enjoying a picnic. Adrien pulled out a bag of candy at the end of their meal.

“Adrien! You didn’t,” Marinette exclaimed. “How did you even know?”

“I know you, Mari,” Adrien replied. “You like sweet things.”

Adrien opened the bag and pulled a sweet out. He tore the gummy in half. Marinette stared at his face with a bemused look.

“What?” Adrien smirked at her, brow raised.

“I love looking at your face when you’re concentrated, like with tearing that gummy,” She licked her lips and looked at his hands.

“Really?” Adrien looked pleasantly surprised at this admission.

“I want to look at it loooonger…” Marinette crooned, and Adrien fed her a gummy. Marinette swept a gaze around the park, catching sight of a young man with hair black as night, pulling apart a long gummy… Marinette couldn’t help but stare, slack jawed. Her gummy fell out of her mouth.

Adrien leaned over. “That man is crazy,” Marinette just kept staring. The man was eating his gummy slowly, so tantalizing long. His lips caressed the gummy as he used them to eat, working in tandem with his hands.  So loooong…

\---

Marinette and Adrien were on a date, as most couples are wont to do. They had made it to the zoo, a popular place for young lovers. Marinette raced around, calling out the animals as she did. She was very excited to be at the zoo.

“Look! A giraffe!” The long-necked animal munched on leaves, ignoring the humans staring from below.

“It’s a gibbon!” The long-armed simian was swinging around the habitat.

“Oh, my! There’s an elephant!” The long-nosed pachyderm flapped its ears.

“You really like long things, don’t you, Mari?” Adrien mused while tearing apart their gummy snack.

“Well,” Marinette smiled up at him. “It’s not like I like them in particular.”

“It must be my imagination, then.” Adrien smiled back and fed her a gummy. Marinette glanced back at the elephants and caught sight of the black-haired man again. He was pulling apart a very, very long gummy. He started to play with it, swinging it up and into his mouth. He ate it as it fell slowly into his mouth, guided by his hands. He was moving his lips in ways that made Marinette feel things. She stared for a long time, smiling slightly.

Adrien followed her gaze. “That long gummy person was there on our last date. How funny.”

Marinette kept staring, and the man looked her way. Her heartbeat quickened and stayed elevated for a long time.

\---

Marinette was at home when Adrien called.

“Mari! I was at the store today and found what we’ve been looking for! Mango gummies!” His excitement was contagious.

“Really?” Marinette wriggled in anticipation.

“I know you’d want it as soon as possible, so I sent some to you by bike courier,” He laughed. “So they should be there soon.”

Marinette’s doorbell rang.

“No way!” Marinette got up to go answer the door. “What amazing timing!”

The delivery man spoke, “Please sign here.”

She looked up and saw who the courier was. They made eye contact for a long time. The gummy charm on Marinette’s phone fell off and she didn’t notice.

“Mari? Can you hear me?” Adrien’s voice flowed through the phone’s speakers.

“Oh, it just arrived! Thank you!” Marinette answered. She signed off on the package.

“Mango flavor is very rare, so I bought a lot.” Adrien explained. “Let’s eat them together next time!”

The courier glanced at her signature. She had written a note. _Do you have time?_ He looked back up at her. She stared longingly at him. Their stare was intense.

“Hey, Mari?” Adrien asked.

The delivery box was dropped and forgotten on the floor.

“Uhm, that thing?” Marinette pointed to his chest. He pulled out a long gummy from his breast pocket. He held it out between them, brandishing it gently.

“Is it okay if I touch it?” She asked.

He pulled the tip of it off, offering the contents of it to her.

“Here you go.” His voice was deep and understanding. His gaze was long.

She grabbed it eagerly and pulled it from its wrapper. “It’s so long!” She stared at it in amazement. “How do you tear this one?”

“Like this,” His hands covered hers as he showed her the motions of tearing the gummy. She looked at him. He looked at her.

“We shouldn’t!” Marinette exclaimed, pulling away.

He slowly turned away, suddenly awkward. His hair drooped, the blue tips seemed bluer. “Sorry,” He whispered. He turned around one last time. Marinette was standing there with her mouth open, her eyes closed. His eyes widened. They stood there for a long time before he acted upon her desires.

\---

Marinette answered her door. It was Adrien.

“You wouldn’t answer your phone for a long time, so I got worried.” He said.

“Oh, I, uh, overslept a bit.”

Adrien held up a grocery sack. “I brought some of these so let’s eat together!” He was happy at the prospect.

Marinette cringed, “Today’s a bit-“

Adrien glanced inside over her shoulder. He glared and pushed past her.

“Wait! Now is not a good time-“ She tried grabbing his arm to stop him from seeing, but it was too late. He saw the evidence of her sins wrapped up in her bed. A long gummy sat on her mattress. Adrien gasped at the sight of it, mind flashing with thoughts of its origin. A naked courier and Marinette sharing one in bed, slowly eating a gummy together.

“It’s that guy!” He shouted. He raced forward and started strangling the gummy. “That guy was here!” He pulled on it.

“You’re wrong! You’re wrong!” Marinette cried. Adrien started pulling the gummy apart, ripping it into many strips.

“Why isn’t it me, but that guy?” He begged Marinette for an answer. She didn’t answer. He threw down the gummy in rage. He grabbed his own gummies and showed them to her.

“As long as it’s long, it’s okay?!” He cried and struggled to stretch out his gummy. “Stretch out!” He kept pulling, and pulling-

“Stop it!” She tried wrestling him to get him to stop. “I feel bad for the gummy!”

“Stretch out you!”

Marinette collapsed. Adrien raced to her side, cradling her gently. “Mari!”

“I’m sorry,” She said weakly. “For not telling you. The truth is … I don’t have much longer to live. That’s why, whenever I look at long things, I feel assured.” She closed her eyes.

“Mari!”

\---

Marinette and Alya were eating together for lunch.

“Why did you do such a stupid thing?! From the way I see it, it’s your fault, M.” Alya said while eating her own gummies.

Marinette pulled out a long gummy. “But it’s so long…” She stared at it.

Alya, ever prepared, brought up a diagram onto the table. “Don’t be fooled by its length. If you put several gummies together in a line,” She stacked her gummies up. “See? They become the same length!”

Marinette dropped her gummy in shock. She brought her hand up to her face and started to cry.

“It’s cut like that so you can eat it easier!” Alya sternly told her.

“Adrien was a good person!” She regretted her past actions.

\---

“Mari, can you hear me out a bit?” Adrien asked her some time later. They were at the mall, walking side-by-side.

“What is it?”

“How would you like to be proposed to?” He asked, completely unsuspiciously, not glancing at the people in the mall around him.

Marinette whipped her head around in shock. “What?”

“Tell me honestly,” he said, tearing a gummy in half.

“Oh,” Marinette blushed. “I probably don’t like a flash mob.”

Adrien looked alarmed.

“Well, it’s kinda embarrassing. Anything but a flash mob.”

Adrien whipped around in a panic, using the gummies in his hand to make an X. People all around the mall rushed off in panic. A red carpet that was being unrolled was hastily rolled back up. Musicians fell over their music stands trying to run away. A man covered in gummies fell over, screaming “This is bad!”

Marinette noticed the flurry of people rushing around her. Adrien reached into his pocket and pulled out a red velvet heart-shaped box. He spun to face her, opening the box.

“Marinette! Please marry me!” Adrien urgently said. Marinette, however, wasn’t looking at him. Across the mall was a large pink bunny. Its ears went up for a long, long way, nearly touching the stratosphere. Adrien followed her gaze.

“Those ears sure are long, huh?”

Marinette couldn’t tear her eyes away.

\---

Adrien was bidding farewell to Marinette, who was getting into a cab for the night.

“Marinette,” he murmured. He bent forward to kiss her.

“No,” she said in a lilting tone, blocking his lips with a gummy package. “Not until we’re married,” She smiled over the package. She got into the cab.

“Goodbye!” Adrien said, waving to her as the cab took off.

“Goodbye!’ she called back.

“Please wear your seatbelt,” the cab driver called back to her. Marinette moved to pull the belt over her shoulder, but it wasn’t the belt she was expecting. It was a long gummy package!

“Where will we go?” the driver said, sultry voice ringing. It was the long man! Marinette was shaken as he turned around to face her.

“Wha- why?” she said, thoroughly startled.

The cab driver blinked, confused. He was an old man. “Huh?”

Marinette looked down at her seatbelt, now a seatbelt through and through.

“I’m sorry,” she apologized with a bow of her head. She could still see Adrien waving to her in the distance. _As I thought, I can’t forget him_. She still had long gummies in her purse.

\---

Marinette and Adrien were leaving the church, married, hand in hand. Their family and friends were all there, cheering on their union. Calls of congratulations and many blessings were heard.

Nino called to Adrien, “Don’t you split up!” He indicated with the gummies in his hands. Indeed, the entire congregation of people all had gummies, wedding favors they were.

“Obviously!” Adrien cheered back.

“M! Congratulations!” Alya yelled. Marinette dipped her head in acknowledgement, looking slightly pained.

“Maman! Look!” Manon tugged on Nadja Chamack’s arm. “A long car is coming!”

The new coupled watched as an extreme stretch limo pulled up in front of them. The chauffer opened the back door, and Marinette looked on in hopeful anticipation. The long man stepped out, a bouquet of long gummies in his arms, pulling apart a long gummy of his own. The train to his tuxedo was very, very long. Marinette’s whole face burst open with joy. She dropped her package of gummies. Adrien’s jaw dropped. The long man made eye contact with them both.

“I’d always thought you’d come!” She said, picking up her skirts and running forward to meet him. She gazed up into his face for a long time.

“Marinette!” Adrien called from behind.

“I’ve been waiting for a long time.” Marinette turned to face Adrien. “Adrien, I’m sorry. Please forget about me. You understand, right? I’m a terrible woman!” She begged.

Adrien cried out in anguish. “I can’t take this anymore!” His pain was crumpling the gummies in his hand. “Why are you always taken away in front of me?!”

“Since I first laid my eyes on you,” the long man spoke up. Marinette smiled over at him, beaming better than the blushing bride she was. The long man stepped forward.

“About you, I…” He walked past Marinette, and stood right in front of Adrien. Marinette peered over her shoulder in shock. She gasped loudly and put her hand over her mouth. Understanding dawned on Adrien’s face. All those times the long man had appeared, mysteriously when Adrien was looking his best for dates. The delivery man, the bunny. Everything clicked.

“Adrien,” he said,

“M-me?”

“This can’t be true!” Nino called, as Alya said, “What a good man, too!”

Marinette rushed to their sides. “Wha-Why?!”

She was ignored by the long man. He presented his bouquet to Adrien. “We will surely understand each other,”

Adrien looked down at the small package in his hands, and glanced back up to the bouquet of long ones. He side-eyed Marinette and looked back to the long man. Marinette bit her lip.

“Do you mind… If I touch it?” His eyes were burning.

“Go ahead,” the long man said with a smile. Adrien reached for the long gummies and the long man reached for the short ones in Adrien’s hand. They both felt the packages beneath their fingers.

Marinette kept looking back and forth between them, crying “No nononono no NO no!”

 

_Fin_

**Author's Note:**

> Based on this: https://youtu.be/6-1Ue0FFrHY   
> Long long man on Youtube  
> Also, this is the ~longest~ fic I've written so far~


End file.
